Woman Confused Why Her Mom Doesn’t Help With Kids, Tackles Modern Grandparenting Double Standards

Many people can’t wait to be grandparents – to spoil the little ones in the family to no end, leaving the repercussions of their actions for the kids’ parents to deal with.

But not all grandparents are equally willing, or able, to spend a lot of time with their grandchildren, which this netizen found a little bothersome. Opening up to the Mumsnet community, she discussed what she describes as “modern grandparenting double standards”, pointing to how grandparents nowadays are not like they used to be back in the day.

Modern-day grandparents are not what grandparents used to be back in the day

Image credits: gpointstudio / Envato (not the actual photo)

This woman was disappointed in the “modern grandparenting double standards”

Image credits: nd3000 / Envato (not the actual photo)

Image credits: TheCalmQuail

Some people feel pressured by their parents who want to have grandchildren

For many people with kids, becoming a grandparent is one of the main things they look forward to at an older age. And while some wait patiently, leaving it up to their kids whether or not to have offspring of their own, others make it clear that grandkids are something they expect.

Though, according to a YouGov’s survey from 2023, not that many people feel pressured by their parents to have kids. Only 9% of respondents said that the pressure from their parents played a major role in their decision to have children (vs. 25% of respondents saying that pressure from their partner did). For 6% of those surveyed, though, the pressure was put on them not by their own but by their partner’s parents.

The survey found that just over a half of the respondents believed it’s bad to pressure kids to have children of their own, while a third didn’t have as strong of an opinion on the matter. One-in-ten respondents thought, though, that it’s good to put pressure on the kids, if you want grandchildren running around at some point.

Part of why some people might be eager to become grandparents is because in many people’s opinion, grandparenting is easier than parenting. (The aforementioned survey found that as much as two-thirds of meemaws and peepaws think so.) Which means that as a grandparent, you get to enjoy all the fun parts, minus the sleepless nights and other difficult parts of being a parent.

Many parents turn to their own moms and dads for help with childcare

It’s true that for some people, there is nothing and no one more precious than their grandkids. Which is why many do all they can to help their kids raise their offspring and want to spend as much time as possible with them. But when that’s not physically possible, some turn to technology to maintain the relationship – data suggests that many grandparents use the telephone, video chats, or e-mail (46%, 24%, and 16% of respectively) to stay in touch with their grandkids.

For some people, that’s the only way they can stay in touch with their munchkins, as they often live miles away. Statista reveals that the majority—over 40%—of grandparents live more than 200 miles away from their grandkids. (Studies suggest that living more than 100 miles from the nearest grandparent is associated with the quality of the grandparent-grandchild relationship being reduced by 35%.)

Usually, a distance this great means less time spent with the grandchild, as well as less opportunities to help their parents with childcare, and it’s no secret just how invaluable such help can be. As much as 57% of moms and dads (with children aged under 13) rely on their parents when it comes to looking after the little ones. When a grandparent lives less than thirty minutes away, the number increases to as much as 72%, showing that distance does matter.

Contrary to the common belief, the practice of people looking after their grandkids benefits not only the parents who get a much-needed break. The grandparents reap the benefits, too! And I don’t just mean all the fun they have with their grandchildren. Studies suggest that people who watch their grandchildren tend to live significantly longer lives, CBS reports.

Despite the benefits, not every grandparent feels motivated to take initiative when it comes to spending time with their grandkids, which is what bothered the OP within her own family. She shared how back in the day, she would spend loads of time with her Nana, and she wanted her child to bond with their grandparents, too. But she felt that her parents weren’t as eager to be involved. Her thoughts on the topic started a discussion among netizens, who shared their two cents in the comments.

The mom shared more details in the comments

Many people saw where the woman was coming from

Others shared a different point of view

Some people shared different stories than what the OP described

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